happy december

A spectrum of views on singleness and marriage (updated after Herry’s comment: from a ‘single’s’ point of view):

1. Despise marriage, think it is evil to do so.

2. Not looking for a companion, happy for those who get married but no thanks.

3. Happily single but is ok if somehow God gives a companion for him/her.

4. Not happily single but is ok if later on he/she needs to be single for the rest of his/her life.

5. Looking for a companion, happy for those who are celibate but no thanks.

6. Despise singleness, think it is evil to do so.


14 thoughts on “happy december

  1. mustang

    why all are from a “single’s” point of view? no 5 –> from those that having a companion instead of looking for a companion? how about those that are married? happily married, happily married and absorbed in their own world (what is celibacy??), and those that are married and regret to do so?:P

  2. pedro

    this may be a slight distraction from the main discussion.

    it is too simplistic to say singleness is a gift, as we sometimes hear people say. the issue should evolve around contentment. each one of us is given a time to be “single” some are for life. so the issue is contentment, not gift.

    whether one is unmarried, or married, he/ she is only meaningful when he/ she is related to others. i follow john zizioulas’ argument: “[b]eing a person is fundamentally different from being an individual or a ‘personality,’ for a person cannot be imagined in himself but only within his relationships… The mystery of being a person lies in the fact that her otherness and communion are not in contradiction but coincide.” as such “singleness” is not really single as one relates to other people as humans anyway. whereas in a couple relationship, i cannot assume that there is a relationship going on. ;) you know how some couples do not talk after so many years, they are just a couple by name, but not in reality.

    i think we should not hold on to “i am destined to be celibate”, “i got to have a wife” this kind of dualistic absolutes. i would say, 4 or 3 sounds/ talks more sense. those who ask “whether i am called to be single/ married” show a strong indication that they are not contented as they are.

    however, this is only an intellectual discussion, discounting anyone’s emotional state. anyway, this issue is worth revisiting time and again, it will give new insights.

    as for books, i have not found a better, more evangelical book than al hsu’s “single issue” (IVP) i really think that in the market, there are just too many rubbish books. despite the title, the book is not only suitable for single or those who desire to be single, but i feel strongly that this book contains something that i think those in a relationship, or want to be in a relationship have never seriously considered. it is a relationship book. it asks difficult questions, to both singles and couples.

    1. d

      well the choice for the words of the sentences are not neutral.. true that the wordings of 3 & 4 talks more sense. but you can re-write the others to make more sense too.

  3. d

    cmiiw, i think the spectrum is..

    closer to 1 is more secular-western, closer to 6 is traditional-eastern,

    and closer to the middle is postmo (in a good way; to be content with myriad choices)


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